Fourth St Docks

Someone asked me what was at the docks. Memories, I said. Memories of that night back in September; memories of perhaps one of the most romantic nights I’ve experienced. Memories of her soft lips suddenly touching mine and how we held each other in the cold night.

But it wasn’t until I was actually at the docks for me to realize what was really there: my heart!

I sat on the deck of a float house that’s now parked next to the dock where she stole my heart and look out at the calm waters. I am not sure what I should do. I came here hoping that I’d find a way for her to hold on to my heart and keep it safe. But now I’m not sure. I’m not sure what I’m feeling and I’m not sure if I can sort it out before I run out of time.

Looking at the ocean and the full moon in front of me makes me want to share this amazing view with her, but I am still confused.

Tofino

there’s a kind of sadness tonight. Not sure if it’s from drinking two cans of beer, or that it’s comforting to listen to a room full of people connecting and having fun while sitting in front of the fireplace. It’s been exactly a week since I’ve been in Tofino, but two months is already starting to feel really short. I mean, it’s probably not enough time to do what I can came here to do… which I’m not sure what it is any more.

See, there’s a wonderful woman in Tofino on whom I have a crush. There was an awkwardness when I first arrived. I think we were both figuring out how to be around each other at first, but now we’re both more comfortable… or that we’re picking up on that chemistry we had when I first visited in September. But I’m trying not to dwell. She fits into the type of people I always fall for: unavailable and always on-the-go. You want who you can’t have, right? I’m trying to move on knowing that probably nothing good will come. I’m trying to not have any expectations or hope for a greater outcome, but that doesn’t mean I can get her out of my head… so here’s to trying.

Plan A/B

It’s been two days since I’ve arrived in Tofino. All is going well. I’ve been going on runs in the morning and finishing work around mid-afternoon, then going out of the house to see the amazing sights on the island.

I haven’t made any progress in terms of my writing. It’s on my to-do list but I never seem to get around to it. I think I am consciously putting it off because my head has been so pre-occupied with something else. So pre-occupied, in fact, that I think any effort in making what I want to work has been futile and too forced.

I feel like I am waiting for something big to happen all the time, but nothing is happening – there is no epiphany and nothing in my life has changed. I’ve only escaped my responsibilities and chores that were weighing me down in Vancouver and gone on an extended hiatus. I think I came here with too many expectations for myself that won’t be met. I need to fill my head with something else. Something completely different and encompassing so that I forget to focus on what’s been occupying my thoughts… but what?