I Follow Rivers

Have you seen Blue is the Warmest Colour? That lesbian movie that came out last year with a bit of controversy regarding its lengthy and graphic sex scenes? If you haven’t, you should. (Obviously NOT for the graphic sex scenes… though that’s always a bonus!)

What struck me most from the movie is when Adele dances to Lykke Li’s I Follow Rivers (probably the Magician remix version though). I never thought a simple dance scene could convey so much! It was probably the most brilliant use of a scene I have ever realized/ come across so far, mostly because I didn’t realize before how freeing an experience dance is until I’ve starting going out to dance.

See, I love dancing. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it. I’m not sure why I love it so much… it’s just another way I could express myself, I suppose. So when that scene came up in the movie, I couldn’t help but be bewildered by her freedom of expression and how, through dance, we can see Adele gain a sense of “self”. In that moment she “comes to” and embraces who she is. She finally lets go of everything and accepts the reality she’s in – kind of like the first time I went to pride by myself.

It was the summer of 2010, and I had just started to take my interest in girls seriously. For the first time in my life I started to consider the possibility that I would like to have relationships with women instead of men. I was extremely conflicted, having come from a religious background. I questioned my faith, I questioned my self; and I questioned my belief in my faith. Who I wanted to be and who I should be according to the words of Jesus Christ was doing a number on my brain. I didn’t know how to live both lives because they didn’t fit together.

That August came and I was determined to go to pride. I made up an excuse so I could stay at a friend’s during the whole festivity. It was the single most exhilarating and freeing experience I have ever had in the 26 years I’ve lived. I didn’t want to go home at the end of the day, and I certainly didn’t want the high to end. That was the day I vowed to be free: I wished I could live my life the way I wanted to, without having to hide my desires for women and who I am.

So I did. I, of course, not unlike some closet-dwellers, had to come to terms with certain things (mostly religious and family-related) before I could accept myself, but I’ve never felt better or more confident in myself because of who I am and who I’ve become since Vancouver Pride 2010.

Embrace your freedom, people!

Bound

Thursday was a double-bill day.

First movie I watched was Bound. It is a 1996 movie that tells the story of how Corky, a tough female ex con and her lover Violet, concoct a scheme to steal millions of stashed mob money and pin the blame on Violet’s crooked boyfriend Caeser. I’ve never heard of this film until Tucky Williams, an actress as well as the beauty and brains behind the webseries Girl/Girl Scene, said it was her favourite queer movie. Its high rating of 7.6 out of 10 and the black and white production stills on IMDB made it appealing for the generic plot it follows: (spoiler warning!) lovers decide to outsmart the mafia and does in the end [because love always prevails].

What makes this film stellar is its dark cinematography and the stellar on-screen lesbian couple, even though they’re seen together for less than one-third of the screen time. Jennifer Tilly, who plays the “innocent” Violet, can break any masculinity with her unique, nasally girlish voice. In comes the quirky, dark, and mysterious neighbour-next-door Corky, played by Gina Gershon, who (probably) brought sexy back to a butch character in all the right ways. The suspense throughout the latter half of the film, where our heroines are pulling a scheme, is brilliantly maintained.

I’ll have to say though, that I was expecting more “queer” stuff. Like what my instructor warned in our first class: what kind of expectation do we carry when we view a “queer film”? How queer do we expect it to be? And what makes the film a queer film? I suppose I expected those films to contain some sort of big epiphany/ realization, or the “heroing” of being queer (which may be expressed in coming out). I felt that Bound‘s queer aspect was merely a sexual device (to draw in more young, hot-blooded male audience members), and the film probably wouldn’t change if the queer couple was a straight one. But that doesn’t diminish the fact that I really enjoyed men’s asses getting kicked by a tough female character! We don’t see that enough in films!

Tomboy

*spoiler warning!*

Yesterday, after the last final exam ever of my undergraduate degree, I went to see Tomboy at the Vancity Theatres with some of my classmates from GSWS 431. Tomboy is a film made by French director Celine Sciamma (who directed Water Lilies in 2007) about a girl who pretends to be a boy when her family moves to a new town.

Zoé Heran as Laure-Mikael & Malonn Lévana as Jeanne

What I enjoyed the most about this film is the relationship of the sisters. The portrayal of the love between them is so endearing and cute that you can’t help but wish they were your children. Kids are also helpful to access any of the more ‘mysterious’ characters – those who don’t share their innermost thoughts with the audience. In this case it was Jeanne leading an inquisition into Laure’s intentions about pretending to be who she isn’t. They may not completely understand the intention (and consequences) behind having to pretend to be a different gender, but their grasp on gender is amazingly mature. Jeanne’s quick adaptability and acceptance for her sister’s ‘Mikael’ persona is delightfully comedic but genuine.

The second half of the film, however, felt like a complete change of pace. Of course, with a storyline like this, the parents (or those who the protagonists lied to) are bound to find out. And this is where the film turns generic and sour. I could think about a few options or alternatives to “outing” Laure the way her mom did (which, inevitably, resulted in bullying and teasing… and that is just hard to watch on screen). I was also surprised at how flat the mother character is. She seemed to be a loving parent, so I expected her to be more understanding of Laure’s big lie and aware of the consequences of her solution to Laure’s cover. She seems to be ignorant of how severely that will affect Laure’s life.

Anyway. The latter half of the film was unsatisfactory (maybe I expected it to be a ‘western queer film’ where the gays are exalted and an equality is achieved). But I really appreciated the portrayal of the sisterly love despite Laure’s secret. That sibling bond (that plays against the alliance of parents) is something I can connect with and wish will come in handy in my future, when I decide to come out of the closet.

Lisa (Jeanne Disson, left) thinks new kid Laure (Zoe Heran) is a boy named Mikael