There are some days or times when I’m so sad that writing doesn’t even begin to help me feel better. In fact, I wouldn’t even have the energy to process my thoughts and put them down coherently or reflect properly. At those times I wish I could just drown myself in music. Loud, thundering music… preferably cheesy love songs or a good house beat.
I need to lose myself…
Last Friday I went to the long-awaited Angus and Julia Stone concert at the Vogue Theatre in Vancouver. Finally, the day has come to hear them play live since discovering them about 3 years ago. The last time they played here was 10 years ago, so understandably the concert was sold-out (and packed)!
Standing in the mosh pit since we arrived was tiring, but they were well worth the wait after 2hrs. Plus when they started to play we all forgot about the soreness in our legs. Among new songs they played off their newest album that just came out this year, they mixed in a few of the old classics that are my very favourites: Devil’s Tears, Santa Monica Dream, and Yellow Brick Road.
I have played their Down the Away album on repeat three times in a row now. Some of the songs’ lyrics simply resonates so much with me that I felt the meaning of the sentences I’m constructing here are fleeting compared to what they could say with just a few words. Even though I feel that music can be magical and heal the soul, it’s making me feel sad and emo tonight. (But what better mood to write!)
For the first time in my life I’ve actually had a pretty good Thanksgiving. “Pretty good” meaning that I had a decent time at dinner. I wasn’t forced or coerced to do anything I didn’t want, and there was pleasant conversation! I also didn’t have the pressure of returning home at a certain hour, so I just hung out. With my family.
It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve spent a good time together. Ever since I moved out and married my wife, nothing’s been at peace with any of us. Mom would get mad or scold me for the smallest things – things that she would think that’s “abnormal” with my life and point out examples of “normal” when we’re out. The conversations between us only involve life events, activities, schedules, or whatever logistical thing that might possibly affect the lives of all three of us.
But tonight, we talked about everything from my hike earlier in the day to comedic remedies for my mom’s dealings with her frustrating chapter head at a certain organization. I showed them pictures of my hiking and camping trips over the summer in exchange for a good-natured conversation. We’re connecting, laughing, and having fun. Deep down, I know we all still love each other.For the first time in a long time I felt we’re family again. And for the first time I can genuinely say that I am thankful for my family… on Thanksgiving!
Dear Babeii,
I miss you. I want to be with you so much that the thought of missing you consumes me… yet the thought of being with you suffocates me. I wish to find a balance, a place where we can co-exist in our struggles toward a better life, because I still want to grow old with you. You’re still my One! I still love you so much! There’s No One Like You.
love,
Gucica
“We all have those former loves that, while life may have lead us in different directions, we find ourselves reminiscing over, daydreaming about what could have been. I’m a firm believer that once you give a person a piece of your heart, you never truly get it back.” — Doug Locke, singer
Verse 1:
Star gazers in bloom
How I feel about you
I felt my heart beat, boom
Reminiscing bout you
Oh You sparked that fuse
And you blew me away
Never wanted to fade
But Now my heart’s in two
Since you went away
I only want you to stayCHORUS:
This could be us but you playin’
Driving up the coast and singin’
Drinking on the beaches naked
Oooohhh
This could be us
But you couldn’t be the one I needed
Oh I don’t wanna lose this feeling
Dancing til moon is sleepin’
Oooohhh
This could be us
This could be us but you playin’Verse 2:
I need a parachute
Cause I was falling for you
I gave my heart too soon
Now its black and blue
You take me to the moon
When you’d kiss me that way
Had me going insane
But now I’m chasing fumes
Since you went away
I only want you to stayCHORUS:
This could be us but you playin’
Driving up the coast and singin’
Drinking on the beaches naked
Oooohhh
This could be us
But you couldn’t be the one I needed
Oh I don’t wanna lose this feeling
Dancing til moon is sleepin’
Oooohhh
This could be us
This could be us but you playin’Bridge:
(Eh Eh Eh Eh)
(Eh Eh Eh Eh)
(Eh Eh Eh Eh)
(Eh Eh Eh Eh)
You see I’ve tried and I’ve tried
Can’t get you outta my mind
I should be moving on
But nostalgias holding me tight
Was it all a dream?
It was real to me (Eh Eh Eh Eh)
(OOOOOHHH)CHORUS:
This could be us but you playin’
Driving up the coast and singin’
Drinking on the beaches naked
Oooohhh
This could be us
But you couldn’t be the one I needed
Oh I don’t wanna lose this feeling
Dancing til moon is sleepin’
Oooohhh
This could be us
This could be us but you playin’Driving up the coast and singin’
I could have been the one, now you lost me
Oooohhh
Why you playin? Quit playin’
But you couldn’t be the one I needed
Oh I don’t wanna lose this feeling
Dancing til moon is sleepin’
Oooohhh
This could be us
This could be us but you playin’
A friend recently shared with me Carsie Blanton’s theory of casual love. Needless to say, it resonated with me a great deal.
Blanton is right, I’ve only ever faced and treated love with delicacy and of utmost importance. But where did that get me? I am now starting to understand her concept and perspective. When we stop dramatizing love will we be able to love and be loved freely!
It should be cheerful and happy, not heavy and dreary. Suppose we apply the same attitude towards life in general – wouldn’t we live a much more fulfilling and exuberant life?
Where's My Dime? 