Everly Brothers Know What’s Up

I’ll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurtin’ me
I’ve got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I’ll do my cryin’ in the rain

If I wait for cloudy skies
You won’t know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You’ll never know that I still love you so
Though the heartaches remain
I’ll do my cryin’ in the rain

Rain drops fallin’ from Heaven
Could never wash away my misery
But since we’re not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you’ll never see

Some day when my cryin’s done
I’m gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool but till then, darling
You’ll never see me complain
I’ll do my cryin’ in the rain

Itchy Feet

Who wants to go dancing!? I’m always looking for people to go dancing with… I love it and I miss it! Can’t wait to get back on the floor again and stir up a storm! I was listening to some beats today and realized that there are a handful of songs written about dancing that I’m quite fond of. So here’s a list, in no particular order:

1. Dancing On My Own – Robyn

2. Take Me On the Floor – The Veronicas 

3. I Wanna Dance With Somebody – Whitney Houston

4. Shut Up and Dance – Walk the Moon

5. Twist and Shout – The Beatles

6. Shake It Off – Taylor Swift

7.  一個人跳舞 – 張惠妹

8. Dance With Me – Uh Huh Her

Fix You

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I…

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I…

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

I discovered a new me three years ago when I went away to work on a cruise ship for about 7 months. It was the single most rewarding journey I’ve ever undertaken so far in my life. It was also during that time I fell in love and found an appreciation for partnership in my personal life.

But love can be toxic and broken if it’s not coming from a healthy place. I wanted to fix that love for the sake of a stable and happy relationship. I wanted to be the handy-woman who is able to repair whatever was handed to her, even if it’s something intangible. I wanted to try, at least, because I believed that love could overcome all things, including the demons in your head.

The constant danger and threat? That desire and temptation to give in to the dark, even for a fraction of a second; that dip into the madness can be forever detrimental. It seems like I lost that love just seven months ago, but really it was already gone before we had met.

The other day I was dining by myself at one of my favourite and most frequented restaurants on Commercial Drive. A playlist comprised solely of Coldplay filled the silence. I was unaware that Fix You had come on, and I was equally surprised by myself when tears started to well up in my eyes. It hadn’t occurred to me that I knew the lyrics or the title of the song; I guess it’s one of those things that gets stuck in your head when you’ve heard it too many times.

I wasn’t sure why I had tears running down my face (ironically when they sang “Tears stream down your face”). Maybe it’s the reminder again that not everything is for us to fix or that if it’s even “fixable” that made me feel defeated and therefore sad. I was naive enough before to think that love can fix anything and everything.  However, I realize now that love is a responsibility and can become a burden at times: love is wonderful and exciting but all too overwhelming…

I was crying for all those gentle but lost souls that have touched lives but cannot save their own. I was reminded again that in a battle against depression or any sort of mental illness, you’re the only one up against yourself. No matter how much support and help is available to you, it’s almost always a lonely battle. I tried, but I couldn’t fix you.

My Current Obsession

Eventually I will put together a list of my favourite lesbian couples in current media/TV depiction, but right now I have a mini-celebrity crush on Linda Marlen Runge. I don’t know as much about her as other North-American actresses/musicians because most or all of the articles about her are in German, and the English translation doesn’t always make sense. But from her facebook and Instagram postings and what I can dig up, I can see that she’s someone who’s quirky, fun, and living the most out of her life. She is definitely someone who would stand out from the crowd because of her unique characteristics – you can see that she has a strong character and attitude just by what she shares with her fans.

Have you ever met someone who has this amazing energy about them that attracts everyone in the room? I think if Linda was in a room full of people, she’d be like a magnet – all the girls would want to be her friend and all the guys would want to date her (so to speak; I know the genders don’t really apply here).

She is currently most recognized (in my opinion, anyway) in the German TV show Gute Zeiten, schlechte Zeiten (Good Times, Bad Times), in which she plays Anni Brehme, a lesbian studying Sound Engineering who is in love with her roommate Jasmin Flemming. Anni and Jasmin has a huge following of admirers and “shippers”, including me. In two weeks’ time there will be a fan meeting in Berlin where lucky fans who reside in or are close enough to Berlin get to meet the much-praised couple.

I, on the other hand, am more interested in seeing Linda perform live. Aside from her mesmerizing looks and incredible sense of style, she plays the bass in a couple of bands that she has started. One of them is Lejana, formed with a Mexican guitarist Eder Perales. Then there’s Blood & Honey, a duo based out of Berlin and with Irish guitarist and comedian Chris Morrin. She also lent her voice to two songs that her character, Anni, sung on GZSZ. I cannot stop listening to Far Away and Is Love Enough!!! They’re on repeat over and over again…

I hope I get to meet her one day!

is love enough?

Seems like it’s the question of the year. Is love enough? If you asked me six months ago, my answer would be, “yes, definitely.” But if you ask me again now, I’d probably tell you, “Depends.” I am a firm believer in love, in overcoming obstacles and making dreams come true together with the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life. But you could say I’m a real hopeless romantic whose idea of love has been doused with a dose of cruel reality. While I wish that love will persevere in all situations all the time, it is not always the case – especially when the person you wanted to be “forever” with becomes increasingly unstable and unpredictable. Then, I ask myself, was the love I had and felt not enough for me to overcome my own inhibitions and doubts about my own relationship? Should love be easily swayed if there’s enough of it? What is “enough”?

The song, Is Love Enough? from the popular German soap GZSZ (Good Times, Bad Times), sung by the incredible Linda Marlen Runge, who plays Anni on the show, to her on-screen girlfriend Jasmin, aptly phrases this mind-boggling question all struggling couples are asking themselves.

So tell me, how can I be with you if you can’t live on your own?

And how do we love if there’s something unknown?

Take care of your life and I’ll be alright, I’ll be alright.

Is love enough for us if I doubt it inside, if I doubt it inside?

If I doubt it inside…

See, some of us want shelter and some of us want wings

And some of us want hugs while the others want to breathe

Well, someone for misses and someone for kisses

And you build a fence but I want to dance…

My high school music teacher has always said, “good enough is never good enough” (as a motivational quote for us to become better musicians). Of all things in the world, I think it applies to love the most.

Words Don’t Wait

Last Friday I went to the long-awaited Angus and Julia Stone concert at the Vogue Theatre in Vancouver. Finally, the day has come to hear them play live since discovering them about 3 years ago. The last time they played here was 10 years ago, so understandably the concert was sold-out (and packed)!

Standing in the mosh pit since we arrived was tiring, but they were well worth the wait after 2hrs. Plus when they started to play we all forgot about the soreness in our legs. Among new songs they played off their newest album that just came out this year, they mixed in a few of the old classics that are my very favourites: Devil’s Tears, Santa Monica Dream, and Yellow Brick Road.

I have played their Down the Away album on repeat three times in a row now. Some of the songs’ lyrics simply resonates so much with me that I felt the meaning of the sentences I’m constructing here are fleeting compared to what they could say with just a few words. Even though I feel that music can be magical and heal the soul, it’s making me feel sad and emo tonight. (But what better mood to write!)