Beach Talk II

A guest tonight asked another good question that I’ve not really given much thought: “why didn’t you say you were a filmmaker?” It was her second night at the house, and we haven’t really talked until we were both cooking in the shared kitchen at the same time. It never occurred to me that I needed to walk around advertising myself or announcing the labels I’ve chosen to represent a part of my identity. I mean, sure, all artists need to be [shamelessly] promoting themselves to get their stuff out there, but I didn’t know that not “outing” myself as an artist was something to be questioned. Just like I don’t walk around announcing I’m a lesbian. Perhaps I should?

days before the new year

I have moved temporarily back home for a week now, and things don’t look like they’re going to get any better. I haven’t had the desire to do anything productive; I’ve been sleeping for 10 to 12 hours every day, and most of all I’m just annoyed, frustrated and upset that I don’t want to do anything. There is just a general annoyance with every day things, chores, and responsibilities that I have accumulated. I am so lazy and unmotivated to do anything!!! I sit in front of the computer all day, browsing and not being productive with my life. It’s in the slumps and I don’t know how to get out of it!

Loneliness

Sometimes I wish I lived by myself. This whole “closet” thing would be much easier, and I wouldn’t have to lie constantly to my family. Also I wished that I could come home from a tiring day at work, kick off my shoes, heat up left-overs and pop in an episode of The L-Word or a LGBTQ-themed TV show or a movie. I wouldn’t have to look over my shoulders and worry about if the content is appropriate for a homophobic household. I might also have friends over – friends who I can be intimate with. Instead of loneliness and alienation, cuddles, hugs and kisses on the couch sounds amazing to come home to.

I didn’t realize being in the closet could be this lonely. It’s a brand new kind of lonely that I’m not used to… and no, I’m not just being emo…

My Love Affair with Writing

The difficult part about blogging is that you have to keep it up. Sometimes when life gets in the way and you have no time to sit down for three hours (or more) to write, it’s frustrating. Like the past two weeks. I don’t know why I’m still so busy. I’m only taking 3 classes, one of which is distance ed!!! I guess a stage manager’s life is always hectic though; no time to really relax because you constantly have projects on-the-go. There are a handful of ideas and topics that have come out of yesterday’s class that I’d like to discuss, but they’re still waiting for me in my notebook! The other frustrating thing is that I hate staring at the computer screen for an extended period of time. But to write I have gotten used to typing my thoughts into square boxes like these… so I’ll just have to suck it up and produce coherent posts!

‘Till the next post,

xoxo