Arguably this isn’t about winning, but tonight – like many other nights – I can’t stop thinking about you. I waited the whole night for you to maybe show up; a “surprise!” that I know is beyond far-fetched. But still. Amidst the sea of babely eye candies at the club, you’re still the one I want to see most.
If you were waiting for a secondary response from me, this is it. I miss you.
how do i tell you
when the beast dances with the beauty
it’s your hand i want to hold
how do i tell you
when i’m gazing at the stars
you’re the magic I seek
how do i tell you
when we’re both busy with work
you’re what occupies my thoughts
how do i tell you
when we’re next to each other
i want to take you with me and run
how do i tell you
when things are awkward
we should kiss it all away
how do i tell you
when you want to dial it back
i am already knee-deep in trouble
how do i tell you
when i say we can be friends
I secretly wish we’d be more
how do i tell you
when i am pulling your leg
the joke is really on me
I rode the skytrain to Burnaby to have lunch with my brother and his girlfriend yesterday afternoon. It was a clear Sunday, and from the train you could see the mountains in the distance.
I had woken up from a good night’s sleep. I dreamt about my cousin and her one-year-old daughter in New York, and how other relatives whom I haven’t seen in years surprise-visited the same time we did! It was heart-warming and …nice.
I thought about my lunch engagement. I looked forward to the delicious foods I was going to consume, as well as the wonderful company I had with the meal. Then I thought about the success of a friend’s surprise birthday party Saturday night and the people I’m happy to call friends in my life. I thought that I am really lucky to have been working at SFU for six years now doing a job that I love. And that was illuminated by the fact that I was working backstage for a Robert LePage show! I felt grateful for the opportunities I’ve had and all the 2nd chances that were given to me when I didn’t deserve them.
My thoughts drifted over to the charming woman I’ve been seeing for the past month. Her zest for life, adorable smile, and an indescribable amount of “nerdiness” captivated me and filled my head.
Looking into the distance at the snow-capped mountains as the train pulled away, I was in awe of mother nature and count myself lucky that I got to reside in this beautiful city on the West Coast. For a lingering moment during that train ride Sunday afternoon, I was satisfied with my life. Happiness overwhelmed my soul and I was completely content.
I’m lost in my sea of thoughts tonight. Have you ever felt like not going home alone to an empty place but at the same time feeling like you couldn’t be bothered to be with anyone? Yeah, that dilemma. Maybe just someone to sit in silence with me? Or like a couple spending time reading together (not the same book but the same quiet activity). Just another being in the space can bring a totally different energy… I’m not quite sure what I want or need to achieve some sort of peace in my head tonight. I over-think and over-analyze everything: words, behaviours, action, reaction. Why did I make the choices I made? Why do I get stuck on the smallest things? Why is it so hard for me to move on? Why can’t I just get some sleep, brain?
I’m sitting here still, thinking about you and listening to the music you like and would listen to on any regular day. Come morning it’ll have been five days since I last saw you, and any time away from you is time spent missing you and wishing you were with me. This may be a little too much and clingy, I know, but I hope you take into account the loneliness and serenity of the night… and the fact that I’ve been longing for a companion for longer than you could count with your fingers and toes.
Saw another postcard quote art earlier tonight when I was cruising tumblr. This one said “Peter Pan asked me to go to Neverland with him, but I stayed behind because I wanted to grow old with you”. And I thought of you; of how I want to take care of you, shroud you with my cocoon of love and make you as happy as can be. Heavy Promises and Daring Declarations have joined our conversation. And I really hope you don’t mind!
Where's My Dime? 