I Follow Rivers

Have you seen Blue is the Warmest Colour? That lesbian movie that came out last year with a bit of controversy regarding its lengthy and graphic sex scenes? If you haven’t, you should. (Obviously NOT for the graphic sex scenes… though that’s always a bonus!)

What struck me most from the movie is when Adele dances to Lykke Li’s I Follow Rivers (probably the Magician remix version though). I never thought a simple dance scene could convey so much! It was probably the most brilliant use of a scene I have ever realized/ come across so far, mostly because I didn’t realize before how freeing an experience dance is until I’ve starting going out to dance.

See, I love dancing. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it. I’m not sure why I love it so much… it’s just another way I could express myself, I suppose. So when that scene came up in the movie, I couldn’t help but be bewildered by her freedom of expression and how, through dance, we can see Adele gain a sense of “self”. In that moment she “comes to” and embraces who she is. She finally lets go of everything and accepts the reality she’s in – kind of like the first time I went to pride by myself.

It was the summer of 2010, and I had just started to take my interest in girls seriously. For the first time in my life I started to consider the possibility that I would like to have relationships with women instead of men. I was extremely conflicted, having come from a religious background. I questioned my faith, I questioned my self; and I questioned my belief in my faith. Who I wanted to be and who I should be according to the words of Jesus Christ was doing a number on my brain. I didn’t know how to live both lives because they didn’t fit together.

That August came and I was determined to go to pride. I made up an excuse so I could stay at a friend’s during the whole festivity. It was the single most exhilarating and freeing experience I have ever had in the 26 years I’ve lived. I didn’t want to go home at the end of the day, and I certainly didn’t want the high to end. That was the day I vowed to be free: I wished I could live my life the way I wanted to, without having to hide my desires for women and who I am.

So I did. I, of course, not unlike some closet-dwellers, had to come to terms with certain things (mostly religious and family-related) before I could accept myself, but I’ve never felt better or more confident in myself because of who I am and who I’ve become since Vancouver Pride 2010.

Embrace your freedom, people!

Queer Cinema

I was an hour late to my very early class on the first day of classes. The class, GSWS (Gender Studies and Women Studies) 431: Local Sex on Global Screen, started at 8:30am. It is a class where we’ll be examining “the globalization of sexual cultures and the emergence of queer cinema and screen culture outside of North America and Europe. We will analyze the impact of globalization on local expression of sexual practice and gender identity. In turn, we will also explore the various ways in which these mediatized expressions reframe our understanding of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender issues from postcolonial, transcultural, and comparative perspectives.” (from the syllabus)

Sounds intriguing, right? As an introduction, the instructor got us thinking and writing down our answers for “what is queer cinema?”. I think to define that we have to first define the term “queer”. What is queer? What does it mean? Is it just an umbrella term for anyone who identifies as anything other than heterosexuals? Or is it more generic, used to mean “odd”,  “off”, or “strange”? For the purposes of this class, I think it is safe to say that “queer” is anything outside the gender binary norms. So, any films presenting ideas and notions outside the gender binary norms would be deemed as “queer cinema”.

I see it as a genre rather than a standalone style of filmmaking. It’s sort of like what my friend says about gay marriage. It’s what it is – marriage, and simply that! It’s a union between two people who happen to be of the same sex. We don’t take a gay shower, eat our gay breakfast, put on our gay clothes and go to our gay jobs! So why the term “gay marriage”!? (Well, I have an inkling… there’s this thing called the constitution. And in the constitution it states that a marriage is a union between two persons of the opposite sex. So “gay” was added in front of marriage to help the general public distinguish what was in question). Same could be applied to “queer cinema” in my opinion. It is just cinema, like any other style, genre, or conventions of filmmaking. It may contain themes, ideas, issues concerning or pertaining to the interest of the queer community, and could be made for or by people who identifies as queer. So I say “queer cinema” is a genre, such as western, horror, slapstick, etc.