Have you seen Blue is the Warmest Colour? That lesbian movie that came out last year with a bit of controversy regarding its lengthy and graphic sex scenes? If you haven’t, you should. (Obviously NOT for the graphic sex scenes… though that’s always a bonus!)
What struck me most from the movie is when Adele dances to Lykke Li’s I Follow Rivers (probably the Magician remix version though). I never thought a simple dance scene could convey so much! It was probably the most brilliant use of a scene I have ever realized/ come across so far, mostly because I didn’t realize before how freeing an experience dance is until I’ve starting going out to dance.
See, I love dancing. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it. I’m not sure why I love it so much… it’s just another way I could express myself, I suppose. So when that scene came up in the movie, I couldn’t help but be bewildered by her freedom of expression and how, through dance, we can see Adele gain a sense of “self”. In that moment she “comes to” and embraces who she is. She finally lets go of everything and accepts the reality she’s in – kind of like the first time I went to pride by myself.
It was the summer of 2010, and I had just started to take my interest in girls seriously. For the first time in my life I started to consider the possibility that I would like to have relationships with women instead of men. I was extremely conflicted, having come from a religious background. I questioned my faith, I questioned my self; and I questioned my belief in my faith. Who I wanted to be and who I should be according to the words of Jesus Christ was doing a number on my brain. I didn’t know how to live both lives because they didn’t fit together.
That August came and I was determined to go to pride. I made up an excuse so I could stay at a friend’s during the whole festivity. It was the single most exhilarating and freeing experience I have ever had in the 26 years I’ve lived. I didn’t want to go home at the end of the day, and I certainly didn’t want the high to end. That was the day I vowed to be free: I wished I could live my life the way I wanted to, without having to hide my desires for women and who I am.
So I did. I, of course, not unlike some closet-dwellers, had to come to terms with certain things (mostly religious and family-related) before I could accept myself, but I’ve never felt better or more confident in myself because of who I am and who I’ve become since Vancouver Pride 2010.
Embrace your freedom, people!
Where's My Dime? 